making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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