i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
