I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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