just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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