I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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