Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
