I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The uberlube is also flammable
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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