i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
