She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
