I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
