Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
