As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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