you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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