you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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