The beer is more important than you right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
