I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have fence marks all over my body
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
