you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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