Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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