oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
