Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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