she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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