he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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