im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
