I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
