Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she peed on how many people?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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