either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
