You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
