I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
