Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
