Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
