we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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