I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
