Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
