How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
