sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
