wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
