I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
