didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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