I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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