Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
