and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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