I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
