His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
