dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
