I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
