It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
