My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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