no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
