I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
