I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
