I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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