Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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