I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
