I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
