I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
