when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
