so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
