Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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