Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
