this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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