She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
