i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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