I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
