he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
