no, he came in my armpit
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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