I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
