You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
