She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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