Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The ass gains better be worth it
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