I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
