dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
