I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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