I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
