I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
