I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My penis needs a shock collar
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
