Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
