We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
