I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
