Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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