i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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