Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
