Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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