I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
