I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
