I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
