Dual....:-)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
