i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't deserve a penis
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
