my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my poor anus
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
