Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
