I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
being pregnant is like rehab
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
